My story is just like everyone else’s but I am in the mood to beat a dead horse.
Bout 2years ago I went snowboarding for the first time and consequently I fell a lot, I landed on my rear end so hard I thought I was gonna poo my snowboard pants… I didn’t. I continued to ride despite my aching butt, well I know you know what happens next.. I fell on my butt again and again and it was even worse than the first time and again it felt like I had pooped myself, well this time a little poop came out and I was sore for like a year after it happened.
Well after a year it started going away and then at about the 14th month it started hurting again, this time worse then before. I thought maybe I had aggravated it when I sat down to hard or any other numerous of ways(insert childish chuckle here).
Well it progressively got worse and it was itchy too, then a small pimple appeared right above my poop chute dead nutz in the center. I didn’t think anything of it because pimples happen, well about a week and half after this small pimple appeared, it began to grow and become sore. I have a very high tolerance for pain,(I’ve been in sports my whole life and even fell on a fence post when I was younger and punctured my actual butt whole and I kept playing that hole day)so I was having trouble sitting for long periods of time and the pain was getting worse by the day.
So after dealing with it for what seems like forever I decided I was going to try to pop it myself. So I proceeded to go into the bathroom(because where else can a man be alone with his pants around his ankles) and squeeze on it, I didn’t use a whole lot of pressure but all of a sudden it starts draining a reddish clear liquid but no relief. I thought maybe it just had to drain more and then it would feel better. After about 2days of drainage it actually felt worse, it was now feeling almost as bad as when I pooped my pants snowboarding.
Like I said I am tough and I can take pain but this was pushing the limit. Now on the 5th day of this fowl smelling drainage ruining my tighty whities, it was the weekend and my friends wanted to go to a pool party and wanted me to go as well. I really wasn’t feeling all that great and didn’t want to go but I noticed that morning that the drainage wasn’t as bad, so I forced myself to go if to just kinda take my mind off the pain.
There I am in my swimming trunks, alternating sitting on my right butt cheek then on my left butt cheek trying to get comfortable. When I start talking to this very attractive girl, well she convinces me to go swimming and I reluctantly relent because even though I am in excruciating pain at this time, she is just drop dead gorgeous. She jumps off the diving board and does a perfect flip and just sticks the entry, I being a natural athlete figured I could do a flip as well(even though I have never attempted one) so I get the courage up and bam I do the most perfect flip a first time flipper could imagine doing, well I didn’t realize that I had over rotated and landed flat on my belly.
When I finally surfaced I could see my buddies pointing and laughing at me and all the girls looked horrified. I got out of the pool and I saw what they were laughing/horrified at, my belly was the brightest shade of pink known to man. I proceeded to talk this girl into hanging out with me that night and as I was getting lucky with this beautiful girl, she proceeded to start licking my butt and just as I was getting into it….. POP.. my boil burst, she had apparently placed her fingers in what was the perfect pressure spot.
Anyway long story short, she was covered in the most putrid disgusting fowl smelling substance I have ever come in contact with and I worked for a septic cleaning company one summer. And this girl god bless her heart insisted on cleaning this mess up because she felt responsible for it.
And now 5 years later she now goes with me to all my pilo checkups and even changes the dressings when I have the surgeries.